I've finished First Year at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, and I'm currently living in Redding for the summer to get my head and heart situated for 2nd Year - as well as hopefully save up some money for tuition.
Attending First Year was the end goal - and really reward - of a few years of planning and maneuvering of my life. I visited Bethel and its school for the first time in Jan 2011 when my brother Peter was attending his First Year after high school. I have never been so impressed by a group of people as a whole - for a thousand or so students to understand, believe, and live out core values like confrontation in love, prophetic words and ideas that were accurate and full of hope, and a consistent display of love for each other and for Jesus in everyday life. I've been around church since before I was born, and it was something I'd never seen before. Not to the extent it was present at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.
As my brother graduated from his First Year program, and as I got to know other students, I was always impressed by their ability to know and be themselves without pretense and without anxiety. I knew it couldn't be a coincidence that they all carried the same internal peace about being exactly who they were; I figured that had to have come from being at BSSM, or at least being around "Bethel culture".
I finished my degree at the University of Wisconsin - Eau Claire in Social Entrepreneurship and Economic Development, and set my heart and life on getting to California. I had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, but absolutely no confidence about becoming the person who could actually do those things. I spent a lot of time comparing myself to my siblings, and always figured the places I lacked in studiousness or in raw brains meant that I was to fall far behind the standard of achievement to which my family has always been dedicated. I've always held an interest in creative arts and inventions, but didn't believe that anyone would ever want to follow where I'd lead if I got such an opportunity to pursue those things. In college, I dealt on and off with depression, trying to find the answers to life's big questions like what matters? what actually lasts? - family, enjoying life, changing the world for the better - all of it. I came to a lot of dead ends in hopelessness and confusion, and wasn't sure how to dig myself out.
Ergo, my time at Bethel. I saw the change that my brother underwent at BSSM -- he grew in character and understanding about himself in a year there, what I would have estimated to take a good 6 years living life anywhere else. I wanted that kind of change in who I was, and I wanted to get a better perspective about life in general.
Coming out the other side of 9 months of school, I can tell people that I have hope - for me of all things, for the future, and for the world at large. I think that Bethel at times has been criticized for more or less brainwashing their students into being happy people (a quick Google search will show you what I mean), but I think one of the most amazing things about the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry and their staff is their consistency in bringing the faithfulness and the goodness of God to the forefront of every story and every situation. It's like a broken record that no one wants to turn off. In a very good way.
In the last year I have experienced more of God's goodness, faithfulness, peace, power, and joy than I have in the 23 years previous. The ways in which I feel I have permanently changed for the better are also the areas in which I was encouraged on a daily basis for nearly a year straight. There are true things that I have believed I believed my whole life: God is good, He loves me all the time, Nothing can separate me from His love, How He made me is amazing... but never, ever suspected that I needed to hear it directly from Him to believe it in the same way that I know water is wet. Because God IS Good. And that's something I can say with the conviction of everything I am now.
Sometimes when I think about the fact I'm spending my time at a ministry school, when I may in fact never get a paid position at a church or ministry again, I doubt the time and the resources it's taken to get me here and keep me here. But when I think about being a hopeful and powerful person for the rest of my life because of my time here, I can't help but want to stay and grow.
I am currently accepted to the Second Year program at BSSM, and while I'm working as much as I can through the summer months, I know at this point looking at the numbers I will have a hard time paying for tuition. If you would like to donate towards my tuition of $4400.00 ($400 deposit due July 15), it would mean exactly what you'd think it'd mean to a poor student who wants to keep learning: a whole, whole lot.
I hope to write more here, either to keep you updated on what's going on or simply to let the people in my life know more about the person I am. In my own opinion I've lived my life before really privately, considering it overbearing or even selfish to take time to process in front of people; show them the pieces of me that feel incomplete. I won't be bearing my soul to the public of the internet, but I don't want to live out the illusion of being an island either.
